Helps for Daily Life 21

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BIBLE STUDY 2: HELPS FOR DAILY LIFE

 

A SERIES:    THERE IS HOPE

LESSON 21: Matthew 7:24-29 4 PILLARS FOR STRONG FAMILY FOUNDATIONS

Matthew 7:24-29 (KJV) ²⁴Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:  ²⁵And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. ²⁶And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand:  ²⁷And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it.  ²⁸And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine:  ²⁹For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes.

 

INTRODUCTION

 

It has always been interesting to me to know that the Lord Jesus was a carpenter. Joseph was a carpenter also. It disperses some of the notions people have about what kind of man Jesus was. Some people think Jesus Christ was some kind of sissified, namby pamby weakling person. However, Jesus Christ was a carpenter. He was a rugged man. He knew what it was to work with his hands, lift big beams, and construct buildings. From the cradle to the cross Jesus was sent to be hard working. He knew the importance and value of hard work in order to have a successful home.

 

All of us need a home for the future which the Lord Jesus Christ is able to build. If we haven't made any preparations to get our future home built, we need to check with our carpenter Jesus. Jesus said, "I go to prepare a place for you." He's been up there over 2000 years now, building our home of the future heaven. He has a place reserved in heaven for each of us if we will receive Him as our personal Savior. We need a home for our future.

 

All of us need a home for our faith which the Lord Jesus Christ is able to build. I mean by that - we need a church, a place where we can congregate together and worship collectively. Some of us maybe do not have a local church and I hope before this Study is over we will each make up our mind that we will want choose a place to be the home for our faith. Jesus said, "Upon this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." Jesus is building a home for our faith.

 

All of us need a home for our family which the Lord Jesus Christ is able to build. We know that the Lord Jesus Christ is able to build a home for the family because in this magnificent sermon He closes with an illustration about the importance of family, the importance of building our house upon a good, solid foundation.

 

INTERPRETATION

 

Jesus describes what he's talking about here in terms of two individuals who are building a house. He's talking about the difference it makes between those who build their life and family upon Him and His teaching and those who do not. There are similarities in the two houses that are constructed. We can think that pretty much the materials must have been about the same. There was cement and there was wood and bricks. There was some insulation and carpet and paint. When a person would walk down the street where they lived two families would be seen and we would probably see some of the basic material in the family. We would see the members of the family. We would see the family finances. We would see the camels on the outside of the house. There are similarities there. We would also notice that there were some similarities when it came to the matter of the storms. The Bible says that the storms came on both houses. The winds blew, the rains beat down, the floods came, and the stress and strain of the flood came on both of those houses. The difference is a firm foundation.

 

That's the way life is. It doesn't matter what the foundation for our family or our marriage may be, or as well intended as u may be, the storms of life come to everybody. The strains of relationships come to everybody. Financial crunches come to everybody.  Difficulties come. Outside influences beat upon our home life. All of that is pretty much the same. The difference is a firm foundation.

 

However, it is not the similarities that get the attention in the story here. It is the differences. Jesus said that one of these houses was founded upon a rock. He was talking about Himself and His teachings. The other one was founded upon the shifting sand. Therefore, when the storm began to come, the house that was founded upon a rock stood the test of the storm. Nevertheless, the house that was founded upon the sand didn't make it and came crashing down. The difference was a firm foundation.

 

EXPLANATION

 

I want to STUDY this matter of a solid family foundation and what kind of foundation we are using to build our marriage and family.

 

We know that Satan is the great home-wrecker. He has his demonic demolition crews working overtime to try to destroy our marriage and our family. He has all of his demons-demons of alcohol, demons of materialism, and demons of outside detrimental influences. Satan is the great home-wrecker.

 

Nevertheless, Jesus is the great home-builder. Psalm 127:1 says, "Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it." We have the advantage today of about 25 years of research into the matter of the family. They have researched what makes families stable, what makes families last, what makes families make it through. The interesting thing is that the results of the research are all remarkably similar. Another thing that is interesting is when we look at the research which is being done on what makes families stay together and withstand the storms, we find that those foundations in the family are clearly taught in the Scriptures.

 

What I want to do is to erect some pillars which will provide a solid foundation for our marriage and family. I want to make this just as practical and down-to-earth and helpful as I can. I'm going to use 4 words which I'm calling the 4 PILLARS FOR FAMILY FOUNDATIONS.

 

THE FIRST PILLAR IS THE WORD AUTHORITY.

 

We have to build our family upon the foundation of authority. In other words, every family has some source of authority. We have some basis for doing what we do in our family and conducting the affairs of our marriage in the way that we do it.

 

For the majority of us, that would be our family traditions – the things that we got from our previous family. In many instances that can be a good thing. Very often values and morality are passed down from our parents down into our marriage. There are a lot of good things that are passed down. Unfortunately, there are some bad things that we get from our previous family and we bring it right on into our marriage. Sometimes there is abuse, quarrelling, fussing, fighting, and all of these kinds of negative things. Too many couples have a tendency to use these things as their source of authority.

 

Another source people have today is the standards of the culture in which they live. A lot of couples think marriage is just to be like it has been portrayed in the media. Alternatively, like what we read in a secular magazine. On the other hand, what we see in the movies, or what we watch on television sitcoms. We think this is the way marriage is supposed to be.

 

It seems to me that there is a concerted effort on the part of high ups in the media to basically change the way the American people look on what is normal and what is acceptable in society. In recent years there has been a glorification of prostitution. Movies glorifying prostitution. Books are written to give people the idea that this is to be a normal part of life. I think one of the latest trends I have observed in American culture is this trend for children to be born to unmarried mothers. The Hollywood elite seems to have decided they are going to push the idea that the in thing now is to be an unmarried mother – not have a husband, but to have children. Madonna started it off. I noticed not long ago she married again. I wonder if she has a wash and wear wedding gown. You never know from day to day. Then there is Rosie O' Donald is one of them, which is another story all together. Then there is Jodie Foster and some others have had children, but they do not have a marriage – a husband.

 

Listen to what one of the movie stars said in USA Today Magazine. "It's the wave of the future, so people better start opening up their minds and expanding their horizons. You are going to see it over and over again." So many of our Hollywood personalities have decided that children are kind of like jewelry. They are looked upon as accessories. Therefore, they just flaunt marriage. They flaunt morality and they have children. It's just something to do like a fur coat or an expensive car. They say to people like you and me – normal everyday people – "get over it; this is the way it's going to be." I still believe that there are a whole lot of us in this country who believe that there ought to be a holy marriage before there is a baby carriage.

 

In Psalm 128:1 there is the basic source of authority to make a marriage work the way God intended for it to work. "Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord, that walketh in his ways."

 

You have two things there – 1- the Lord and 2- His ways. He is saying that the authority of a family, if it's going to be a solid authority, has to be built upon the Lord as the center and upon His word, the Bible, as the circumference.

 

I'm not a photographer but I do know if someone is going to take a good picture, first of all, they have to make sure that it is centered just right. Then they have to be sure that the boundaries are correct - that there is a good circumference to your picture.

 

This verse of Scripture teaches that the Lord is to be the center. Put Jesus Christ in the center of your marriage. He is the ultimate source of authority. One old boy said, "I am the head of my house and my wife has authorized me to say so." A lot of people look at it that way, but we know that ultimately the source is the Lord Jesus Christ. That's why, when the Bible says that they had a wedding in Cana of Galilee, it is so important to notice that Jesus and His disciples were invited to that wedding. If someone is planning a wedding, whatever else may be involved in that wedding or impending marriage, be sure that Jesus Christ is central to everything that is done and then a person is on their way to having a far better and a good and solid marriage.

 

The Lord is the center, but His Word-the ways of the Lord are circumference. God's Word is really the only acceptable authority of marriage. Marriage is to be founded upon the Word of God for this reason. Marriage is a divine institution. Some people in a cave, centuries ago, didn't just say, "I think it would be a good thing, let's make up the institution of marriage." No. When we read the Bible we will discover that marriage is something that is of divine origin. It was instituted by the Lord Himself.

 

We read the book of Genesis. It's the foundational book for all the Bible. There we will discover several things about marriage. 1- We discover that it was the Lord who performed the first marriage ceremony. We also discover that it was he Lord who put that attraction between a man and a woman. The Bible says that “the Lord brought Eve to Adam.” By the way, if there is someone in this study who is not married make sure you – let the Lord bring your mate to you. Therefore, the Lord brought them together. Then the Lord performed the first wedding ceremony. When we read on through the book of Genesis we find that it is all about family and marriage.

 

We see the marriage of Adam and Eve. Then we see Abraham and Sarah. Then we see Isaac and Rebekah. Then we see Jacob and Rachel. We read about births and we read about marriages and we read about deaths. We read about husbands and wives, parents and children, children and grandchildren. It is all about marriage. God has placed in His Word the basic principles and the promises and the precepts upon which you can build a successful marriage. We would be surprised what we will find in the Bible to help us with our marriage.

 

I heard about a wife who said to her husband one night, "Would you help me with the dishes?" He said, "No, I'm not going to help you with the dishes, that's not a man's work." She said, "Yes it is. The Bible says it is." He said, "Where did you get that in the Bible?” She said, "II Kings 21:13. I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it and turning it upside down."

 

Ladies, you'd be surprised what you might find in the Bible to help you out at a crucial time.

 

In God's Word we find principles. When I was just a young preacher I made up my mind I was going to do the best I could to build my ministry upon the teachings of the Bible-to build my personal life upon the teachings of the Bible-to build my marriage and my family upon the teachings of the Bible. After 40 years of marriage, after three children and two grandchildren, I'm here to tell everyone – If you will build your marriage and your home upon the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ and the authority of His Word, you'll come out a whole lot better in having a good marriage!.

 

I'm a disaster when it comes to building something and following directions. I think most men are that way. You know how it is. We go to the store and buy something and take it home and start to unpack it and it has 100 parts. We begin to lay all of the parts out on the floor. We look at the picture and study it for a while and figure it can’t be that difficult and we jump right in like we have done it a thousand times before. If one bolt doesn’t fit we try another one. On and on we go putting the thing together and taking it apart and trying it another way trying to make it work and look like the picture. After about an hour you begin to lose our religion and it gets really bad. We work on that thing for hours until our dear wife comes along and picks up a piece of paper and says, “When all else fails, just read the directions.” Sometimes we are guilty of doing that in our marriages. When all else fails in our marriage, we read the directions!

 

THE SECOND PILLAR IS THE WORD UNITY.

 

In Genesis 2, we see this principle of unity in marriage which is so beautifully taught in the first marriage brought into existence. This chapter gives us the account of how Adam and Eve were created and how the Lord God brought them together. Also in that chapter is given names to all of the different animals. It says in the last part of verse 21, "For Adam there was not found a helpmate for him." Adam got to looking around and he saw there was a Mr. Bear and a Mrs. Bear. There was a Mr. Rabbit and a Mrs. Rabbit. There was a Mr. Giraffe and a Mrs. Giraffe. There was a Mr. Adam, but no Mrs. Adam. He realized he needed a wife. Of course, you know what happens. God brought into existence, Eve.

 

In verse 24 it says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh." Look at that picture of unity. Two become one. I call that the strange mathematics of a happy family. We notice that this unity is achieved by two important principles we find in verse 24. "Therefore shall a man leave...?” I have circled the word, leave, in my Bible. "And shall cleave." I have circled the word; cleave, "unto his wife."

 

There are two principles there – the leave principle and the cleave principle. It is saying that when we get married we are bringing into existence something which did not previously exist. There is to be oneness-unity-in that. Therefore, we have to leave the parent child relationship and cleave to our mate.

 

I've been married for 44 years. I have preached for over 30 years. I have counseled families. I have seen marriages all through the years. I must say that one of the main reasons I have seen for difficulties in families and the disillusion of families is in this area of in – law problems. Now, I don't tell in – law jokes. I like a joke as good as anybody else, but I don't tell in – law jokes. Behind the humor there is the awareness that this is a serious problem area in many, many marriages.

 

I want to talk to the in-laws for just a moment. Sometimes this is an area where the parents have a real hard time, especially if the parents tend to be domineering and if they are the kind of parent that they want to be in control. This is one of the things that is frustrating with children. When the children are little parents are able to control things. Parents can just reach down and pick up the children and control them. Then can just pull them right out of the problem. However, when they get a little older they are not as easy to control.

 

If that's happens to be the personality of a parent and if that is what the parent is accustomed to doing – taking charge and controlling everything – when that child gets ready to marry and go out into a brand new relationship, if that parent isn’t careful it's going to be hard to give up that control.

 

Psychologists talk in terms of what we call "enmeshed families." That is, families that draw of their sense of worth and well-being from their original family. So they become enmeshed. If one child pulls out, they don't want to let them go but rather they want to reach out and swoop in that new person and just make them a part of the original family. That's not the way God says it's supposed to work. It causes problems.

 

Here is the child and he or she find themselves being drawn between their parents and their mate. They are in-between the two. "The Leave/Cleave Principle." I mean by that – cut the apron strings, cut the financial strings. By the way the children can have a little problem there too. Some children are very happy to move out and live in another house, but they still want daddy to keep the moola coming. If anyone is old enough, mature enough, and responsible enough to get married, then they are old enough, mature enough, and responsible enough to make on your own and not try to keep hanging onto your parents financial apron strings! That doesn't mean that if a young couple gets into financial trouble, old dad can't help them out along the way. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying basically that young married people have to start a brand new unit. This is your family now not your mom and dad’s. Some words of advice to the in-laws: “Hands off, mouths shut, hearts open, prayers on.”

 

When it says, "Cleave unto his wife." There you have unity. Jesus put it this way. "What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." The word, “join,” is an interesting word. It means to be glue. What God has glued together. I told Susan when we married that she was stuck with me. If she ever decided to leave me, I was going with her. I am committed to the principle of unity in my marriage. There has to be physical unity and that is to be saved for marriage. If you don't, it creates guilt. It's like a time bomb, sitting there in your marriage, getting ready to go off sometime in the future. There has to be emotional unity.

 

There has to be spiritual unity. When the problems and storms inevitably come into our marriage, we need to look to one another and work on those problems together. Here's what we find. Every time we and our mate solve a problem together, we are depositing currency in the emotional bank of our marriage and it will pay rich dividends later on. Down through the years we will look back and say, "Darling, do you remember when we had this and that problem? Do you remember how difficult and stressful it was? But you hung in there with me and I hung in there with you and we worked out that problem together and I love you for it."

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, through the years, if we will build our marriage on the principle of unity – that two are becoming one and we are going to stick together – we will be surprised what it will do for our marriage. It will just get sweeter and sweeter. Susan and I are closer today, after 44 years of marriage, than we've ever been before.

 

I heard about a couple who had been married nearly 70 years. They were sitting in front of the fireplace spitting snuff. The old guy leaned over to her and said, "Darling, I'm proud of you." She said, "Huh?" He said, "Darling, I'm proud of you." She said, "Huh?" He said, “Darling, I'm proud of you.” She said, "Oh, yeah, – well I'm tired of you, too."

 

THE THIRD PILLAR IS THE WORD COMPATIBILITY.

 

We must build our marriage on authority-the authority of God's Word. We must build our marriage on unity – and – stick together. It comes as a real shock for people when they find out that they are not very compatible. Sometimes we are not nearly as compatible as we thought we were. Sometimes some fellows thought their wife was complimenting them when she told people, "My husband is a model husband." I remind you that a model is a cheap imitation of the real thing.

 

Let me read you what one marriage counselor said about it. "The difficulty of achieving a happy marriage is compounded by the fact that men and women are basically incompatible. They have goals, needs, emotions, and drives which are incompatible with those of the opposite sex." If we don't know that, getting married can be a real jolt. It's kind of like a midnight phone call. We get a ring and then we wake up.

 

When I was a Pastor there were personality profiles and tests that can be given. When couples want to get married there at church, we ask them to take certain personality tests so they can see what the differences are in the personality. It is fairly normal for couples to have their spats and disagreements.

 

One old guy was extremely healthy in his old age. Somebody asked him, "How do you account for being so healthy in your old age?" He said, "Well, when my wife and I married, we agreed that when we had a fuss I'd just go for a walk and I've spent a lot of my life out of doors."

 

One counselor was talking to a young lady about some of her problems. He said to her, "Do you think one of your problems is that you wake up grouchy?" She said, "No, I don't think so, I let him sleep just as long as he likes."

 

Men and women are different. I didn't know that when I got married. I found it out real quick. Women like to talk. There are exceptions to everything, but as a general rule women like to talk and men don't want to say a whole lot.

 

I heard about a fellow who was asked, "Why are you so sad, Bill?" He said, "My wife told me she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." He said, "What's so sad about that?" He said, "Today is the last day."

 

We come home. We have been at work all day. We have been talking all day. She's been at home with nobody. She just can't wait for you to get home because she has a lot to tell you. You can't wait to get home because you don't want to say anything to anybody. You come home and she says, "How was your day today, darling?" "Fine." "Did things go good at the job?" "Yep."

 

Women use a different language than men do. You come home and you say, "How you doing, darling?" "Fine." Oh good, she's fine and you go on off. She ain't fine. "Is something bothering you, dear?" "No." Nothing is bothering her, isn't that great? I got news for you-everything is bothering her. I have a picture saying on the front of my refrigerator that says, "When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

 

We're different, but don't let that discourage us. I hear about couples married 3 months and they've split up. Why, listen, if we run a corporation it'll take us longer than that to just learn the employees of the corporation. Why do we understand that we have to work real hard making it in business and train and read books and go to seminars? Yet, we walk into marriage and we think everything is just going to be hunky dorey from the very beginning. It takes time.

 

Ask it to yourself. What is it like being married to me? Ask yourself that question. Maybe instead of your mate changing, maybe you need to change.

 

There are several things we can learn about developing compatibility and learning to communicate. Ephesians 4:25 says that we are “not to speak lies to one another, but the truth.” We must build our relationship on truth. Ephesians 4:26 says that we are to “be angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” We must learn how to forgive one another and flush all of the anger and bitterness out of our hearts before the day is over. Ephesians 4:29 says “let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth.” We must learn to watch our words. Words can not only help, but words can hurt.

 

Do you remember when we were a little boy or girl at school we used to say, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." It's not so. Wouldn't all of us like to have some words back that we have said that have been used to hurt a mate?

 

THE FOURTH PILLAR IS THE WORD SPIRITUALITY.

 

I mean by that a personal relationship with the Lord – the husband and and the wife both knowing the Lord. That's the something missing in some marriages and people don't know what it is. They have a nice home, they have good cars, they have good jobs, and they have beautiful children. They seem to be getting along pretty well, yet they are aware that there is something that's missing down on the inside.

 

Marriage is like a wheel. Jesus is the hub, we are the spokes. The closer we get to the hub, the Lord Jesus Christ, the closer we get to one another. That's why we need a spiritual component in our marriage. That's why we need Jesus in our marriage. It will give us purpose. It will help us understand what life is all about – who we are, why we are here, why we are married. Where your marriage is intended to be.

 

We will learn principles and moral absolutes, responsibility, kindness and concern for others. We will truly love and be honest with one another. When we have a spiritual component in our life, that means we will get involved in a church. It will put us in contact with people who have had the same problems we are going through and they can help us get through them and show us how they conquered them in Jesus' name. There are seminars available and other opportunities – Bible Study Fellowship – all these things are available. We will have people at our disposal.

 

When problems come and the storms begin to come, we will get the big picture and we will understand that all things work together for good to them that love the Lord.

 

It will bring power into our life because when Jesus is in our life and Jesus is in our mate's life and Jesus is in our marriage, the power of the Holy Spirit of God is available to help us with our marriage difficulties.

 

Psalm 46:11 says, "The Lord of host is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge."

 

 

If you haven’t already, I want to invite you to receive Jesus as your Savior.

 

DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?

To find more help in receiving Jesus Christ as your personal Savior please go to the Bible Study Title Page “ETERNAL LIFE.” Please send me an email and let me know about any decision for Christ you make so that I may pray for you. Feel free to send me any questions, comments, or responses you may have as well. For those who are already Christians I invite you to also please let me know of any decisions you make in your Christian life for Jesus. Please send me your questions, comments, or responses and let me know if the Bible Studies are helping you.

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ALWAYS REMEMBER!

The support of your local Church ministry and the ministry of your Pastor should be the first priority of your Christian life and your service to the Lord. Be faithful to prayerfully prepare and attend Sunday School and Worship Service this Sunday and participate in worship as your Pastor preaches the Word. Do not forget to give the Lord at least your TITHE through your local church from your gross income – that is your first fruits. Any other other giving is an offering to a ministry unto the Lord. Honor the Lord in all you do and with all that you have. Always remember that everything you have and all you are belongs to the Lord. It is on loan to you – so manage it well! There will be an audit one day! Make sure the Books Balance!

 

All Bible Studies Are Prepared by Pastor Frank Denning And May Be Be Used By Permission.