Helps for Daily Life 22

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BIBLE STUDY 2: HELPS FOR DAILY LIFE

 

A SERIES:    THERE IS HOPE

LESSON 22: Matthew 19:3-12 LET’S FACE THE ISSUE OF DIVORCE BIBLICALLY

INTRODUCTION

 

I am going to ask that you stick with me very closely and very carefully in the content of this Study and PLEASE do not turn me off at any point. There may be some things that will be said in this study that will be very difficult and very painful and some that will be easier to absorb – it is what I would describe as “SWEET AND SOUR.” As the song goes, “A little bit of sugar helps the medicine go down.” However, you should know by now that I do not avoid what the Bible teaches, no matter how sharp it is. I always try to be compassionate, kind, considerate, tender, non-judgmental and yet always truthful. This is a subject that is very delicate and it needs to be dealt with in the family of God, with the wise counsel of your loving Bible Study Leader and we need to see what God says in his Word. Therefore, I want you to be very careful not to tune me out. You may hear something and you may think – “Man, this guy just does not understand what I have been through!” Some of you may start to think, “This man has been reading my mail!” On the other hand, some of you will immediately get on the defensive and say, “I don't agree with that at all.” However, before the Study is over I believe the Lord will help us all begin to understand a little more clearly what God has to say. I think you will find this to be a blessing to you, so PLEASE, stay with me through the whole study before you reach a conclusion about it.

Matthew 19:3-12 (KJV) “³The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? ⁴And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,  ⁵And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? ⁶Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. ⁷They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? ⁸He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. ⁹And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. ¹⁰His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. ¹¹But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. ¹²For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it let him receive it.”

 

INTERPRETATION

 

Divorce is a subject which touches the lives of all of us. Somewhere in some way everyone of us has come in contact with the subject of divorce. Five out of nine marriages in America end up in divorce. In the last ten years single parentage has risen eighty per cent in America. One out of every five households are led by a single parent. These newest figures have come out on divorce which say that one point one thirteenth of marriages ended in divorce last year. Now when you add that over a million divorces to the one million desertions a year in America you can see the tremendous problem that divorce is. Marriage in America is in trouble and one of the greatest troublers is the thing we call divorce.

 

Now the subject of divorce is a very emotional subject. It is so very near to where we live. It is so very touching in the experience of those who go through it. That it is a very emotional matter. There is wide-spread disagreement about the meaning of divorce. In addition, what the bible says about the subject. Churches from place to place have different views and positions on the subject of divorce. Preachers differ on what the bible really says about divorce. I have many preacher friends whom I respect and whom I love who take different views from me on the subject of divorce. Individuals differ in their interpretations of what the scripture has to say. Now because of this fact and because divorce is an emotional matter we must be very careful to avoid two extremes on the subject.

 

Number one we want to avoid the extreme of permissiveness. We never want to be permissive and condone what God may condemn. Number two we want to be very careful that we never become harsh or judgmental we must never, ever make the mistake of looking down on any person because of some problem or sin in their lives. Therefore, we are going to try and avoid those two extremes in this Study. I want to approach the matter of divorce from a three-fold position.

 

EXPLANATION

 

FACING DIVORCE

 

The idea that two individuals who have lived together can separate go through a divorce and remain un-touched and unharmed is an erroneous idea. It is a very serious problem it is a very heart rendering experience. Moreover, we need to face what God says in his word about the matter. Now I want us to face the seriousness of divorce. From every angle divorce is a very serious matter.

 

Divorce is a tremendous social problem in America. It is an enemy of the home life. It is an enemy of the concept of marriage which we understand the bible to teach. Now we are living in a society that has a rather loose concept of the whole matter of marriage. Plenty of people are looking upon divorce as kind of a handy escape hatch. Therefore, multitudes of people are bailing out of the institution of marriage for practically no sound reason at all other than selfish reasons. They are saying “This is the way out; this is the way to end the matter, so I am out of here.” In addition, in many circles they are looking at divorce with lightness and with rather casual attitudes toward the subject. They have the attitude, “This is just the social thing to do for now. After this is over I will see what my next best options may be.” I want to say to you that we must not look at divorce that way. Divorce is a tremendously serious problem socially. The American Family are touched by the problem of divorce in heart rendering experiences socially. Therefore, we need to face that matter.

 

WE MUST FACE HOW SERIOUS DIVORCE IS FOR US EMOTIONALLY.

 

The emotionally trauma of a divorce is something that can only be understood by people who have gone through it. No man, no woman can go through a divorce and not have some problems and have some great emotional stress in their lives. No children can experience a divorce in their home and remain untouched and unscathed by that experience.

 

THERE ARE TREMENDOUS AFTER EFFECTS OF DIVORCE PERSONALLY.

 

There are the problems of guilt and loneliness and frustration, that come inevitably in a life where there has been divorce. Now some of you have experienced a divorce and you are living in a single state. You would be the very first one to tell all of us some of the problems that have attended your life after the experience of divorce. After the divorce is over, the friends have given their final words of sympathy and returned to their normal lives it seems there comes a stage in your life where nobody seems to care. The phantom of loneliness begins to set in. That loneliness can be a tremendous thing in your life. It makes you very vulnerable for people who want to use you for their own selfish intentions. Young ladies who have experienced divorce; many times find themselves targets for men who are less than noble and have less than good intentions and desires toward you. So there is a tremendous emotionally seriousness about the problem of divorce.

 

THERE ARE TREMENDOUS AFTER EFFECTS OF DIVORCE EVEN IF YOU REMARRY AFTERWARDS.

 

Even though you have experienced divorce and have remarried you also find some problems that come that no one can project or plan for. Marriage itself brings its own set of problems. However, remarriage brings on a completely different set of problems. There is the problem of adjusting to the personality of that new mate. There is the problem of still having to deal with the old mate. Very often the old mate is still in the city where you live. Very often because of the legal arrangements of the children, there must be contact with that old mate and that can a problem. Then there is the problems of the children that may be brought into the home as a result of the remarriage. Sometimes there may be resentments that are there or sometimes jealously can exist. There are difficulties in some situations with discipline in the home, where there has been a remarriage. Therefore, it is a serious matter. We are talking about something that has some serious, emotional problems attached to it.

 

THERE ARE TREMENDOUS AFTER EFFECTS OF DIVORCE SPIRITUALLY.

 

Whether justified or not, there are many people who have the idea that because they have experienced a divorce God is down on them. The church is down on them, and there is no hope for them spiritually. Sometimes because deep sin was involved in the breaking up of the marriage, individuals that have experienced divorce somehow say, “Well God will not accept me, I have committed an unforgiveable sin there is no need of my trying anymore.” Sometimes others will put that same kind of guilt on you. Sometimes others will be critical, nit-picking, and unkind in their comments. That it will cause you to want to throw your hands up and say, “There is no hope for me! There is no need for me to try to live for the Lord, I have blown it. I have made a terrible mistake and I can never undo what I have done.” That kind of reaction has a tremendous spiritual impact upon the life of the divorcee. Therefore, we need to face that in this Study. In all bluntness and in all honesty we need to face the seriousness of divorce. Now we have an even more harsh thing that we need to face, but we have to face it.

 

WE MUST FACE HOW SERIOUS DIVORCE IS FOR US SPIRITUALLY.

 

WE MUST FACE WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS ABOUT THE SINFULNESS OF A DIVORCE.

 

In Malachi chapter two verse sixteen. A loose rendering of the statement there could be, God speaking, "I hate divorce.” That is not the way the King James says it. The King James Version says "I hate this putting away.” However, “putting away” is the term for divorce. God says I hate divorce. Therefore, you see, we must never be guilty in our own experience of condoning what God condemns in scripture. We must face it just exactly as it is. We must face it for what it is. You see we will never, ever, in any area of our lives be what we ought to be and have the peace with God we need to have until we face things as God presents them in his word. So I am going to just give it to you right as it is in the word of God so don't tune me out. We will move on further in the Study and I think you will be encouraged. We have got to see it just as it is. Now sometimes we want a second opinion. Sometimes we want another view.

 

I heard about a lady who went to the doctor. The doctor examined her and said well, lady I have to tell you you are obese. Moreover, she said “What is that?” He said, “Well I mean you are fat!” She said “Well I want a second opinion!” He said, “OKAY, you are ugly too!”

 

WE MUST SEE WHAT GOD SAYS IN HIS WORD AND WE MUST FACE IT AS IT REALLY IS.

To my surprise when I began to study the subject of divorce and by the way I have never prepared a Study like this before. I have touched on it in messages I have preached but I have never preached an in-depth message on the subject. However, to my surprise, in my research I learned that there is not a great deal written about the subject of divorce in all of the bible. There do not seem to be any definite guidelines to go by. It is rather confusing sometimes when you read what the bible says about the subject because it is not clear. In addition, the Bible is not inclusive and it does not deal with every situation that arises in those matters of divorce. There are three basic Bible sources of information on divorce. There is Moses in the Old Testament Law; there is our Lord Jesus which we have read for this Study. Then there is the Apostle Paul. Therefore, I want us to look now at these three sources from scripture and see why the bible teaches us that divorce is a sin.

 

THIS IS THE REFERENCE OF THE OLD TESTAMENT LAW ON THE SUBJECT OF DIVORCE.

 

Deuteronomy 24:1. "When a man hath taken a wife and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favor in his eyes, that is she is displeasing in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: and the word uncleanness there in the Hebrew means, some nudity, some nudity in her, then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house."

"And when she is departed out of his house, she may- go and be another man's wife. And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife; Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance."

 

1. Permission was granted for a man to divorce his wife for some nudity as it is called, some uncleanness. There is a raging debate about what is intended there. It has been going on since the early days of God's people. The Jewish rabbi's gathered into two main schools about what that meant. One school took the strict interpretation which said that the only uncleanness referred to here was adultery. There are others who say though, that could not be true because the law provided that in the case of adultery the wife should be stoned. So some do not believe that. On the other hand, there were those who were more liberal in their interpretation of the passage.

2. By the time of the Lord Jesus there was one school of rabbi's that said it was permissible for a man to divorce his wife if she burned his meals.

3. If a wife had a loud mouth, so her neighbors could hear, he could divorce her.

4. If a wife became unattractive to him, he could divorce her.

5. If a wife talked to another man, it was permissible for him to get a divorce. We really don't know what that means.

 

However, there was a way whereby a man could divorce his wife. He was to give to her a written certificate of that divorce, she left his home, and then Moses said she was free to remarry another man. She could be another man's wife. Now, having done that, having remarried the bible said, Moses taught that she could not remarry her original husband. She was forbidden to do that. Now there is one thing apparent in the Law of Moses. It is that Moses is trying to preserve the sanctity of marriage. He is trying to preserve the permanence of marriage. He is not condoning divorce. He is rather recognizing it was a social problem in his day and was giving legal arrangement to handle that problem.

 

THIS IS THE REFERENCE OF OUR LORD JESUS HIMSELF ON THE SUBJECT OF DIVORCE.

 

He refers to it in Matthew 5:31-32 and then he refers to it again in Matthew 19. The Pharisees provoked the discussion on divorce on this occasion and you must keep in mind that the Pharisees were not really interested in knowing what Jesus had to say on the subject. Nevertheless, you remember they were doing it in order to tempt the Lord Jesus Christ. So they ask him was it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause. They were trying to get Jesus caught in between the two schools of interpretation so that either way Jesus went he would be in trouble. Therefore, in that context Jesus gives his statements concerning divorce. Jesus goes back beyond Moses and leaps over what Moses said about divorce and goes to the beginning, he goes to creation. In verse 4 it talks about the beginning. Matthew 19:4 (KJV) “⁴And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female.” Then in Matthew 19:8 (KJV) Jesus said “…but from the beginning it was not so.” He goes back to creation. He shows God's original intention for the institution of marriage. So pay close attention to this! God original intention is this: that there is to be one man and that there be one woman. That they are to marry, that they are to become one in flesh and they are to live together until death do them part. That is the original intention of God. That is what God intends for marriage to be. Then, having become one and having given the principle that what God hath joined together no man must put asunder. Then, they press him about the Law of Moses in  Matthew 19:7 (KJV) ⁷They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?” So Jesus in response to their question is in Matthew 19:8 (KJV) “⁸He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.” Jesus tells us why Moses granted permission for a divorce. Here is what he said, he said, that Moses did it “because of the hardness of our hearts.” In other words because of sin. Now what Jesus is saying here is that divorce was legal and convenient because of the sinfulness of the human heart. Then Jesus gives the basis of divorce and he gives His acceptance for the matter of divorce. In addition, Jesus said that the only Biblical and the only acceptable reason for divorce was for fornication, sexual immorality. Then Jesus said, for any other reason than that all parties involved are guilty of committing adultery. There are two thing is clear:

 

1.  Jesus was saying marriage is to be permanent.

2. Jesus was saying that divorce is wrong.

    

Now I know that that may shock some of you. You will say, preacher you have got folks in the Study who have been divorced. In addition, you said they have committed a sin in divorce. Well, I want to say to you these would be the first to agree with that statement. Everyone of in this Study who have had the experience of a divorce would say that is exactly so. Let me just point out something to you. The bible teaches us that there is not a one of us who hasn't sinned. We can never look down our noses and we can never point our finger at any other person because of some sin or some failure in their lives. We are all forgiven sinners. If I got what I deserved I would be in hell right now. In addition, if you got what you deserved you will be in hell. In fact, Jesus went as far to say that whosoever looketh with lust in his heart is guilty of committing adultery. I dare say there are few in this Study who have not been guilty as accused by the Lord Jesus Christ at some point in your life. Yet it is a clear statement of the Lord Jesus that divorce is sin. That divorce is wrong.

 

Now in the 10^th and 11^th verses the disciples heard that and it soundeth so harsh to them. Matthew 19:10-11 (KJV) “¹⁰His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. ¹¹But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.” Jesus came across so strong that they said, well if that is the way it is, it would be better just not to marry rather than get in the possibility of committing this sin. Just don't get married. Then Jesus said something that I feel is crucial in an understanding of the subject of divorce. Jesus said "All men cannot receive this saying.” What Jesus is trying to get across there is that what he has just laid down does not cover every situation; it does not cover every circumstance in divorce. If every person who has been divorced in this Study should give us the surrounding circumstances of their divorce and their break-up of marriage there would be an unending divergence of circumstances. There are all kinds and varieties of circumstances that lead to the experience of divorce. That is what Jesus is talking about right here.

 

Then he uses an illustration about the eunuchs. He talks about three classes of eunuchs. He said now some were born that way. That is their circumstances. Then he said some were made eunuchs by men. That was their circumstance. Then he said others voluntarily made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of God's sake. That was another circumstance. Therefore, there were three different circumstances there. Jesus was using that illustration to impress upon our hearts that there is no one rule, there is no one principle that can be stated that will apply to every divorced situation. Therefore, we must keep that in mind as we move on in the Study.

 

THIS IS THE REFERENCE OF THE APOSTLE PAUL ON THE SUBJECT OF DIVORCE.

 

In 1^st Corinthians 7:10 the Apostle Paul discusses the matter of divorce. I want us to see the things that Paul has to say, because this is a rather interesting passage. Now look at 1 Corinthians 7:10 (KJV) “¹⁰And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband.” Paul comes through just like Moses and Jesus. Moses laid forth the permanence of marriage. Jesus upheld the permanency of marriage. Paul continues the same thought and he says, "Let not the wife depart from her husband." Now being practical and coming down to the real world where we are. He says, 1 Corinthians 7:11 (KJV) ^“11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.” He says that simply because there is the possibility of reconciliation. If there is remarriage then there is no possibility of reconciliation. Then in verse twelve, he deals with the matter of a saved man and a lost wife. 1 Corinthians 7:12 (KJV) “¹²But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.” In other words “Just live with her then." Then he reverses it in verse 13. 1 Corinthians 7:13 (KJV) “¹³And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.” If it is a saved woman and her husband is lost and he will let her live with him she is not to leave him and he is not to put her away. The reason for that is in verse 14. 1 Corinthians 7:14 (KJV) “¹⁴For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.” He is saying that you in that home are the opportunity of that unsaved mate to be saved. You are his opportunity you are the one God can use to get the gospel to him. You are the children's opportunity. The children have been set aside. They have the opportunity of being saved, because they have at least one mate, one parent who is saved. That is God's intention, that is God's design. Now we go on down in verse fifteen and following there is a situation of a unsaved mate who leaves and so he says, 1 Corinthians 7:15 (KJV) “¹⁵But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.” What he is saying right there is abandonment is another accepted basis for divorce. Therefore, what do we have? Jesus said fornication. Paul comes along and he says, abandonment is a basis for divorce. However, look at what he says in verse 39. 1 Corinthians 7:39 (KJV) “³⁹The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” Again we that is God's original intention – till death do us part. If the mate dies, then you can marry again, but you must be sure you marry a believer.

 

Now these are the basic things the bible says about the subject of divorce. The bible teaches us that divorce is wrong. The bible teaches us that divorce is a sin. Therefore, we must face it just as the Lord Jesus has laid it before us. We must face it just as the bible presents it. FACING DIVORCE. However, we should not stop there, let's move on.

 

AVOIDING DIVORCE.

 

Let's talk about those of you who have talked about divorce. We all might be surprised if we knew how many in this Study have been talking about divorce. We might be surprised in this Study to know how many mates have been threating divorce to one another. Let me say to you; never accept divorce as a possible option. If you are married, rule out divorce as an option. Just make up your mind that is not the solution to your problem. Make up your mind that divorce is not an alternative. There is another way. There are some things that you can do that can help you preserve your marriage. So let's think about avoiding divorce. There are some things that can be in your home that can help you avoid a divorce.

 

THERE MUST BE PARDON IN THE HOME.

 

The number one greatest things needed in the average home with the husband and wife is some forgiveness. Christianity is a religion of forgiveness. It begins with forgiveness. That is the way we begin our relationship with God is we experience this forgiveness. In addition, isn't it a rather interesting thing that we will be forgiving in most every other relationship and yet we are reluctant to forgive in the home? There needs to be same forgiveness, some pardon in the home. You say, “Well you don't know what my mate does to me.” No, I don’t know what your mate does to you, but I know that we did enough to God to make it necessary for his own son to die on the cross and yet God forgave us, and we need to learn to be forgiving. I will say more about abuse in a moment. However, I am not talking about abuse here.

 

The first step to the divorce court is an unforgiving spirit. When one mate harbors some hurt in their heart, and nurtures some grievance in their heart against the other mate, there is a need for pardon in the home. You need to forgive your mate. You need to go go to your mate and say with your heart, say it lovingly, I want you to know I forgive you let's just start this over. There can be pardon in the home.

 

THERE MUST BE PATIENCE IN THE HOME.

 

God wants us to be patient. It is rather amazing that folks will be patient with the people they work with on the job. They will be patient with their neighbor, they will be patient at school, yet they go right into the home situation and they are impatient with one another. There can be patience in the home. You see you didn't marry a perfect individual and I have got a surprise for you. I know this will come as a shock but your mate didn't marry a perfect individual either. Nor did you marry a mature individual. I am embarrassed when I think how immature I was when I married. I was so immature and I wouldn't ever share with you some of the silly things I did and there has to be patience. You have to be patient with one another in the home. God is not through with us. God is working in our lives, and we are growing and we are in the process of becoming what God wants us to become.

 

I have a preacher friend who shared this story with me. He said there was a wife in one of his churches who had a skinflint for a husband. I mean he was a real ding dong. Boy, he was you know, ill natured and selfish and stingy you know. She just kept being patient. He was lost and sure enough she was patient and he came to know the Lord and was saved. The preacher said he and his wife were in the home some time after that. They saw all the new furniture that he had bought his wife. Some new clothes he had bought her and he just treated he like a queen in the home. Just a different man. Later on in the evening, the wife whispered this was worth the wait. It was worth the wait. Be patient. There should be patience in the home.

 

THERE MUST BE PRAYER IN THE HOME.

 

When you marry your mate some of you became aware of the imperfection in their character and the things you would like to see them be and do. Therefore, you set out the job of changing them. I have counseled with people who have marital problems and this is something that just comes through over and over again. Mates are not happy with the way their partner is and they set out to change them. All you do when you try to change your mate is to stir resentment and hostility in their heart. What you are trying to do is play God. If you keep trying to take the place of God in your marriage you are certain to drive a wedge in your relationship deeper and deeper and you are headed for problems like you have not even dreamed of yet. The only person who can change a human heart and can change a life and make it what it ought to be is God. Therefore, the only avenue you have toward getting your mate changed is on your knees in prayer. If there is a change you would like to see in your mate you must talk to God about it. Let the Lord change them, there must be prayer in the home.

 

THERE MUST BE PERSEVERANCE IN THE HOME.

 

Sometimes you may be under difficult circumstances in the home but you must make up your mind to preserve. Sometimes God may allow difficult circumstances in your homelike. He may allow you to suffer because he has some things he wants to teach you. In addition, there may be some traits of character that he wants to develop in your life. It may be that you are going through a difficult home situation because God wants to do that. Therefore, let there be perseverance in the home. Now I want to address the issue of abuse at this point. I have never believed that you should allow yourself to be physically abused. I have never believed that a woman ought to stay in a home where a man physically abuses her. I do not believe that for one minute! By staying in a situation like that you are not being some kind of spiritual martyr or a Godly hero. You should never allow or suffer abuse and stay in the home where some over grown intermediate uses you as a punching bag or a sounding board for his hateful foul mouth that he could not get by using anywhere else. You say “Well, preacher what do I do?” I tell you what you do. You get on the telephone and you call the sheriff and have him locked up. You say, “Do you really mean that?” I do! I really do! The sheriff’s department can get you some help and protection but you must make the call. There are a lot of help lines out there today to come to your aid in situations like that. It is just not right for some of these over-grown jerks to whip up on their wives and treat them like a piece of trash. You wives ought not to live in that! If I were in your shows I wouldn't live in that one night! I would call the cops to him and he would be behind bars quicker than he could say, “Howdy, Doody!” You say, “Well he would get mad at me!” Mam let him get mad. Get a warrant out for him. Put him in the clinker. It would be good for him. Because you see, probably his problem is he has been getting his way all of his life and he has been bulling his way through life. You see. He has the idea the idea that he has the right and is going to bully his way through you. It would help him to cool his heels for a few nights in jail. It would be good for him. Put him in jail. I mean that. I have had wives call me and say, “Oh, preacher, my husband is abusing me.” I said, just put him in jail. They have said, “Oh, I couldn't do that. Oh, what would the neighbors think?” Who cares what the neighbors think! Put him in jail! I don't believe God expects folks to live together when there is physical abuse. I really don't.

 

Nevertheless, outside of an abusive situation, I do believe that sometimes God's people are called upon to be persevering and to wait and to be patient and see what God wants to do. Therefore, we need to do everything under the sun to avoid divorce. Young people need to make up their mind when they marry they are going to avoid divorce. Marry in the will of God. The reason some marriages end in divorce is they start off wrong. A marriage that is started off wrong has a slim chance of ever coming out right. Therefore, couples must marry in the Lord if the marriage is going to last. Be close to Jesus when you get married. Do a close personal self evaluation and correct some things in your life and be more of what God wants you to be before you get married and be willing to make adjustments along the way even after you are married and do your best to follow the will of God for you and your mate and you can AVOID DIVORCE..

 

SURVIVING DIVORCE.

 

Now some of you in this Bible Study are probably saying, “Well, preacher it is too late for me. You see preacher I have already experienced a divorce. Preacher you don't know the circumstances I did everything I could to avoid it but preacher, I have experienced a divorce. What can I do? Is there any hope for me? Is it all over for me? Is life gone for me?” I want to say to you it is not gone. I want to say to you that there is something you can do about a divorce. In addition, here is what it is. You can survive. You can be a re-builder. God is a god who repairs broken hearts. Did you know that God understands every experience you have? He understands divorce. Did you know that God experienced a divorce? God experienced a divorce, yes he did. If you will study carefully in the Old Testament you will discover that in God's relationship to his chosen, Israel. Because of their unfaithfulness God says in the Old Testament that he gave them a writing of divorcement that is what the whole book of Hosea is about. It is about the divorce of God. Moreover, the agony, the heartache, and the pain of God as he grieved over his unfaithful wife just as Hosea grieved over his wife Gomer. You remember what happened. Hosea was a priest and Hosea had a wife who was unfaithful to him and went after her other lovers and yet Hosea continued to love her and he continued to woo her back to himself and so he sought her. Moreover, he sought her and he brought her back to himself. See God understands just exactly how you feel.

 

Let's talk about surviving that marriage. You say, “Preacher I have been divorced, I am remarried what can I do? How can I straighten this thing out?” Let me just show you how to survive, okay?

 

YOU CAN SURVIVE BY RE-BUILDING YOUR LIFE ON FORGIVENESS.

 

Now there is a statement I hear people use many times around the subject of divorce. The statement concerns living in adultery. There are people who will say he or she is living in adultery. In my studies and research I do not find that statement in the Bible? That statement is not used in the scripture. It is never presented as living in adultery. It is always presented as committing adultery. There is a difference between a state and an act. There is a difference between something that cannot be undone and an act which can have the forgiveness of God. Divorce is not the unforgiveable sin. There is only one sin that God will not forgive and that is the sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. God will forgive a person for divorce. If one will face it as a sin, see it as God really sees it and admit to themselves and to God that it was a sin and ask for forgiveness then God will forgive. A lot of divorcees go around with all kinds of guilt. Some of that guilt has been imposed by other people. Sometimes one has guilt because of sin in the life. Sin is a cause and guilt is the symptom. Therefore, one is not going to be able to deal with the symptom until first of all one comes to grips with the cause. Therefore, face it before God! That is why it may have sounded insensitive for me to present this the way I have, but the only way you will ever get any peace in your heart is for you to admit that divorce is wrong. You will say, “But I was the innocent party.” In my counseling with people in over thirty years of ministry. I can say to you that I do not believe I have ever seen a divorce where there was a innocent party. I don't think I have ever seen one. I have been saying this long before Dr. Phil started using it on the Dr. Phil Show, “It is an awful thin pancake that does not have two sides!” You say, “Well, preacher you don't know my circumstances.” You are correct I don’t know your circumstances; nevertheless, I really believe that in every situation there are two sides. However, your part may be minor but there was probably something there you could have done a little different or some area you could have done better. What you need to do is to repent of whatever your sin may have been in the situation that led to and caused the divorce. Then ask forgiveness for the bitterness and hostility that may have come after the divorce. I want to tell you God will forgive you of your sin. Just bring that guilt and take it all and lay at the feet of Jesus. Ask God's forgiveness for anything that may have been wrong in the whole situation and then just start rebuilding your life on the forgiveness of God.

 

There was a lady who was brought to Jesus. She had been caught in the very act of adultery. They brought her to the feet of the Lord Jesus himself and said to him “Now Jesus the law says, the law says she should be stoned to death. What do you say?” You remember that Jesus wrote on the ground. There is a lot of debate about what Jesus wrote. The view that is the most attractive to me is that Jesus sat down in that ground, and began to write in the ground the names of all of those men who had previously had relations with her. Then Jesus looked up and he said “He who is without sin, let him first cast a stone.” The bible says they all filed away, the oldest first. You know why, He had more sin in his life. Then when they had all left, Jesus looked at her and said, “Woman, where are your accusers? Has no man condemned thee?” She said, “No man, Lord.” Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn thee. Go and sin no more.” Was Jesus condoning her sin? No. Was Jesus condoning what she had done? No. However, though Jesus hated adultery he loved the adulteress. Jesus will forgive you. Jesus loves you. So rebuild your life on forgiveness.

 

YOU CAN SURVIVE BY RE-BUILDING YOUR LIFE ON FELLOWSHIP.

 

When you have experienced a divorce what you need is fellowship. You need to be somewhere where you are loved and understood. You need to be somewhere where you can find friends. You need to be somewhere where you can find some solace in your loneliness and in your trauma. There are divorcees who are going by droves to Discos and to the Singles bars. I got news for you; you are not going to find the solution to your problems there. You are going to amplify your problems. There is a Country and Western song that is titled, “Looking For Love in All Of The Wrong Places.” That is exactly what some divorcees do. You are not going to find the fellowship you need out here in this world. You are going to find it among Christian people, among God’s family therefore you need to Come to the Lord' house – Come to a church. Get with God’s people and fellowship with them. There will be a church that loves you. We love you and there are people who will counsel with you and will help you. Let me say that as Christians, we need to do everything in our power to bring on board the good ship of Zion every one of those who are in the miserable deep depths of the experience of aftermath of divorce. In addition, we must never be judgmental, never be ugly, and never say unkind things to them. These dear people need our love, our compassion, and our understanding. Build your life on this kind of fellowship.

 

YOU CAN SURVIVE BY RE-BUILDING YOUR LIFE ON FULFILLMENT.

 

 

If you haven’t already, I want to invite you to receive Jesus as your Savior.

 

DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?

To find more help in receiving Jesus Christ as your personal Savior please go to the Bible Study Title Page “ETERNAL LIFE.” Please send me an email and let me know about any decision for Christ you make so that I may pray for you. Feel free to send me any questions, comments, or responses you may have as well. For those who are already Christians I invite you to also please let me know of any decisions you make in your Christian life for Jesus. Please send me your questions, comments, or responses and let me know if the Bible Studies are helping you.

<rfdenning1951@gmail.com>

 

ALWAYS REMEMBER!

The support of your local Church ministry and the ministry of your Pastor should be the first priority of your Christian life and your service to the Lord. Be faithful to prayerfully prepare and attend Sunday School and Worship Service this Sunday and participate in worship as your Pastor preaches the Word. Do not forget to give the Lord at least your TITHE through your local church from your gross income – that is your first fruits. Any other other giving is an offering to a ministry unto the Lord. Honor the Lord in all you do and with all that you have. Always remember that everything you have and all you are belongs to the Lord. It is on loan to you – so manage it well! There will be an audit one day! Make sure the Books Balance!

 

All Bible Studies Are Prepared by Pastor Frank Denning And May Be Be Used By Permission.