Lesson 19
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Bible Study 1 - Genesis 2
Series: GOD AND THE GARDEN
Genesis 2:24-25 AND THE TWO SHALL BE AS ONE
Genesis 1:23-24: “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Introduction:
I have on my finger a ring I have worn since I got married nearly on half a century ago and I want you to know that over these many years time has confirmed what I already knew and felt in my heart, which is: MARRIAGE IS A SERIOUS BUSINESS. Even though it has been a long time ago, I remember standing up at the front of the church with the Pastor waiting for my father-in-law to be, to bring in the bride. I remember the thought going through my mind was, "Marriage is a serious business. Marriage is a lasting commitment. This is is forever and ever and no turning back, no matter what happens.” (The night before our wedding some of my friends took me out to eat pizza and they kept playing a song on the jut-box that was popular at the time, “It’s Too Late to Turn Back Now.”) I wish today’s society could understand that marriage was originated, ordained, instituted, and designed by God to bring ultimate fulfillment to the human race. Yet, it seems like we put more money, fuss, frenzy, and energy into the wedding planning and preparation and all of the hoopla than we put into the marriage itself. Let me tell you something, if you're not married right now or if you've just gotten married, all the energy you put in to that wedding to bring it together to make sure everybody did what they were suppose to do, you'll need to do that much and even more every day for the rest of your life to maintain your marriage and keep it healthy and happy. Honeymoon’s don’t last fifty years but Godly marriages do, and longer!
Today, America is the leading nation in the entire world as far as divorces are concerned. There's nothing in the President's health plan to cover broken marriages, broken hearts, and broken families. The affordable care act may help you control how many children you have but it will not do a thing to help you overcome one single conflict. With God’s help that is something you have to do yourself. The government has a lot of freebies but you won’t find that one on the list. Through faith in God and faith in one another the two of you have to come up with the superglue, the cement, the plan, the practices, the precepts, whatever it is that will keep your marriage together before and after you say “I do.”
More than one million American couples this year will say, "We don't anymore." 40-60% of everybody that's married right now will end up getting a divorce. Many ministers, evangelists, missionaries, and other well respected Christian leaders who sit in the pews of Baptist churches will also end up getting a divorce. Probably one of the most stunning things is 75% of all Americans at some time during their marriage will require intensive counseling. Take a look around you, the people next to you, the people behind you, the people in front of you and maybe even you and your spouse, 3 out of 4 people, will require intensive counseling. Why is that? It is simply because as Adolph Hitler and Joseph Stalin said, as the humanistic media knows today, purposely, devised by Satan, it's a strategy that says, "No matter how big the lie is, if you say it enough times simple people will believe it."
I am going to speak the truth here, because so many of you have only heard the lie. You've seen it in the media. You've seen it on television. You've read it in print. How do you build a marriage? I want you to forget all of those things that you've heard. Forget all of those things that you've learned. Marriage and love is hard work, but it is worth every effort you exert to make it work.
I also want to say I believe in marriage because God believes in marriage. If He did not think marriage was important He would have never instituted marriage in the Garden. I know some of your well educated theologically trained people out there may want to debate me on semantics and interpretations but don’t waste your time with that foolishness. Just listen to God instead of your thick skull for a change and you will soon understand God’s perfect plan rather than his permissive plan for your life. You say, “Well, what good is a bunch of papers?” I cannot tell you how many times I have heard that excuse for justifying disobedience. Well, God has a bunch of papers also and they are in a book up in heaven and every marriage is recorded in His official record of life. God ordained the laws of the land that man is to live by and we commanded to render to Caesar what is Caesar’s and render to God what is God’s, therefore we are to honor what God ordains. We may not agree with everything pertaining to mankind, however, God is the ultimate judge and our duty is to be obedient and faithful to God.
INTERPRETATION:
I am going to approach this subject from Genesis 2:23 by looking at a man named, David from the Old Testament. David didn't have great success in his marriages to say the least, even though he was a man after God’s own heart. However, I feel we can learn much from the record of his life, mistakes, and success as God has recorded it for us.
I WANT YOU TO SEE THERE IS A CHEMISTRY OF LOVE.
Now, why in the world do we get married anyway? Why do you marry somebody? What is the pattern for marriage and what are the models of marriage? If you don't have the right answers, you're going to have the wrong answers and if you have the wrong answers, you're going to build your marriage on the wrong thing. Why did David marry Michal anyway? The Bible tells us that David was a hero of Israel.
SO DON’T MARRY BECAUSE OF A LOTTERY.
The Bible tells us that he was the "Rocky Balboa-stein" of Israel. He had defeated the giant that plagued the land, just a boy. He was sung about by all the maidens of Israel. Everybody had a poster up on their wall. The girls just loved this military hero. Every man there would love to have this man marry his daughter. The Bible tells us in 2nd Samuel that King Saul had said, when Goliath, the giant, was taunting the armies of Israel, "Whoever defeats that giant can have my daughter's hand in marriage." Guess who won? Guess who defeated the giant. David did and, of course, since he defeated the giant, guess what happened? He got Saul's daughter's hand in marriage. Let me say something right now. You better be careful of lottery marriages. You better be careful of marriages that come by chance, convenience, and computer. On the frontier, you used to be able to marry your neighbor's daughter because she was the only person within the next hundred miles. However in our day and age, Satan will send somebody into your life by chance, or by computer and that is N-O-T your soul mate but will be your soul destroyer. Be careful with lottery marriages.
DON’T MARRY BECAUSE OF A REBOUND.
Saul hated David because everyone loved David. Saul was jealous of David. Therefore, Saul gave his oldest away. That was another thing that David should have been looking out for. He was getting ready to marry into a dysfunctional family and he should have known it by now. He should have known there was some problems, but he ignored that. Why? Because he wanted the power and the politics. He wanted to be close to the throne. He wanted to marry Saul's daughter because that meant that he would be right next to the throne and, after all, hadn't God promised him that he would be king of Israel? This must be of God. Here he was getting ready to marry into Saul's family. He's disappointed. There's already two strikes against the marriage. What does Saul say? Saul says, "Well, I gave this daughter away but I'll tell you what, my daughter Michal, she really likes you." Now, it was a teenage crush. She never loved him if you read the entire Bible. “She really likes you and I'll give you her hand in marriage." The Bible says that Saul did this to David because he wanted to lure him into a trap and cause him to fall. You better be careful of lottery marriages. You better be careful of dysfunctional marriages. You better be careful of rebound relationships.
Let me tell you something about what psychologists say. If you have a relationship that falls apart, either by death or divorce or just by dishonesty, for whatever the reason the relationship falls apart, it's going to take you at least one year to go into and get out of grief. If you form another relationship in that one year, you're on a rebound. You better be careful of that. Then, in order to rebuild a proper relationship, it's going to probably take you another year. You say, "But Pastor, think how old I am. I don't know that I can wait two years." You better be careful. You better be careful. I want you to think about this. David almost got into a lottery marriage...strike one. He almost married into a dysfunctional family...strike two. Then he ended up in a rebound relationship...strike three...before he ever set foot on this stage, before he ever sat in this chair and said, "I do," there were already three strikes against him. Listen, folks, when you get three strikes before you ever get up to the plate, you don't win the World Series. David was in trouble.
Well, what is the chemistry of love? Do you remember the first time you kissed your wife, yes or no? Yes? Do you remember the first time your husband kissed you? Yes or no? I can remember the first time I kissed my wife. It was on our first date, after a revival service was over; I kissed her when I took her home after going to Pizza Inn. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever dated, and she still is. We first met in Sunday School in March and were married in September. She was the love of my life then and she is still the love of my life, my sweetheart, my very best friend and she always will be. She made me tingle from my head to my toes! She just made me feel good all over more than anywhere else, and she still does.
MARRY BECAUSE THERE IS A SENSUAL ATTRACTION.
Let me make it clear that this is only one aspect upon which you should make your decision of marriage, though this is an important aspect. Take notes and pay close attention all the way through this study from an old timer who knows what he is talking about in order that you may help yourself and help some others.
This sounds wild to some and complicated and spacey to others but please listen to what I have to say. Now, when I met Susan, my wife, physiologically something happened to me. Scientists tells us, now, that we have a physiological response to an external stimuli that says when you get with somebody who's body chemistry is compatible to your body chemistry like that, just the mere smell of that person, the mere touch of that person, the sight of that person conjures up a response in your brain like snorting cocaine, - seriously! It does something in your brain. I'm telling you the honest truth. You radiate this kind of a chemical and it makes you feel great. Now, some of you are laughing because you've never sensed that and I feel sorry for you. Did you know what the Bible says? The Bible tells us that the original word for woman in the original Hebrew, what Adam called Eve, was wo-man. (I can just imagine Adam now as he takes his first look at eve and says “WOOO”----“MAAN!”) Why, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen that God had ever created! (“WO” “MAN”) If you'll look at it in the original Hebrew it means “soft.” It means, "I like the way she looks. I like the way she smells.” It's the novel idea of that old song that was popular when I was a teenager that says, “Antilly lace, that pretty face, them pony tails hanging down, she wiggles when she walks, she giggles when she talks, she makes my world go round. There aint nothing in the world like a big eyed girl, who acts real funny when she’s got a little money. She makes me feel real loose, like a long neck goose. Wowh baby you know what I like!”
Well, that may be taking it a little too far and that’s not exactly the way it was with my wife, but there was an immediate attraction and we were drawn to each other like no other and we still are. THAT'S LOVE. If you're a teenager it's l-u-v. Whatever it is, it's love.
Not too far from a half of a century later, I not only remember the first time I kissed her, I remember the last time I kissed her and I still go, "Uh-h-h!” She still takes my breath away. That's the chemistry of love. She lights up my life. However, listen, emotion's not enough. Physiological ecstasy is not enough because, have you ever heard anybody say, "Well, I just don't love them anymore." What is the problem? You see, you can be physiologically attracted and stimulated by more than one person. That's the chemistry of love and you need that. You need that, don't marry because of convenience. Don't marry because of a lottery. Don't marry because of a rebound. Make sure there is some kind of sensual attraction to that individual. That all has to do with the chemistry of love.
EXPLANATION:
I WANT YOU TO SEE THERE IS A COMMITMENT OF LOVE.
Scientists also tell us that after about two years of being married to somebody or having a continual relationship with somebody, that chemical that I’ve been talking about in the brain is just not enough. I don't know if you don't produce enough. I don't know if the energies of life takes away from the sensation. Maybe your body builds up a tolerance to it but you don't any longer need to be around that person as much. You don't need to have that rush as much as you used to and if you're not careful, after about two years of marriage, you're going to start looking around trying to get that sensation again. That's what happened to David and Michal. The Bible tells us that Saul tried to kill David. The Bible tells us that Michal helped David escape. He ran out of town. Some folks would say, "Well, she did the right thing." However, you know, they were separated. The Bible tells us that David went his way and Michal went her way and they spent years apart. Michal married somebody else. David married "several somebody else’s.” We see that they are no longer living together. They are living in isolation from one another.
What does that mean? THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO WORK AT LOVE BECAUSE THOSE SCIENTISTS TELL US THAT NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THAT ORIGINAL STIMULI BUT AFTER TWO YEARS, YOU HAVE ANOTHER CHEMICAL THAT THEY CALL THE ATTACHMENT CHEMICAL THAT YOUR BRAIN WILL EXUDE. HOWEVER, YOU HAVE TO WORK AT THAT. YOU HAVE TO COMMIT TO THAT. YOU HAVE TO SAY, "THIS PERSON IS OF VALUE TO ME.” It's no longer just a stimulus that's brought on by a touch or a feeling or a sight.
It's a incentive that's brought on by looking at that person and saying, "THAT PERSON IS OF GREAT VALUE TO ME AND GOD HAS GIVEN THAT PERSON TO ME AND I LOVE THAT PERSON AND I CARE FOR THAT PERSON AND I WANT TO PLEASE THAT PERSON AND MAKE THAT PERSON HAPPY.” IT'S NOT A RUSH, IT'S NOT A TOUCH, IT'S NOT A SIGHT, IT'S NOT A SOUND, IT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU DECIDE TO DO PURPOSEFULLY EVERYDAY IN YOUR HEART AND MIND BECAUSE YOU DON’T ONLY “LOVE” THAT PERSON BUT YOU ARE “IN LOVE” WITH THAT PERSON. Now if you come to the point and time that you don't love somebody that you've married, it's because either they have destroyed the love you once had for them through some kind of hurt, unfaithfulness, or abuse or you have personally decided, you have purposely chosen and willed, not to love that person any more.
Marriage is not only “LOVING YOUR MATE” it is being "IN LOVE WITH YOUR MATE,” but it is even more than that, Marriage is "GROWING IN LOVE WITH YOUR MATE.” That is a problem we have in America. We've seen all the models that say, "Marriage is a physical sensation.” Hollywood gives us that. TV gives us that. Media gives us that. However, we look at them and we see that they are morally bankrupt.
What is the design, the construction and the maintenance of a marriage? Genesis 2:23, “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Verse 24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Two words...leave and cleave...leave his mother and his father. The highest human relationship that you'll ever have in this earth is not your buddies, is not your mamma, it's not your daddy, it's not your sister or brother, it's not your friends, it's your husband and your wife. "Leave everything else," that's what He says.
That means you're going to have to work at it. That means you're going to have to make sure that nothing comes between the two of you. That means you're going to have to make sure that the person you married is the delight of your life. That means that person is not only going to be your husband or wife, but that person is going to be your soul mate, that person's going to be your confidant, that person's going to be your best friend. That's not physiological, that's emotional, that's psychological, that's physical, that’s spiritual, and that does not come spontaneously. That means you're going to have to worship W-I-T-H that person in order to be a soul mate with that person, to have something spiritually in-sync with that person. That means you're going to have to love them not only at the point of commitment physically but also spiritually if you're going to love them for the rest of your lives. They two shall be one – body, spirit, soul, and mind.
Why divorce is so hurtful? It's because when two people are divorced you don't have one person going this way and one person going that way. You have two fractions going in different ways. It's like if I took you and cut off your arm or cut off your leg. Psychologically, emotionally, and even physically, because of the brain response, in marriage you are at a disadvantage for the rest of your life. If you come from a dysfunctional family or you have already been divorced, that means not that you're not ever going to have happiness, that means you're going to have to work twice as hard as somebody else because you've already been scarred. You've already been hurt. You already have baggage that you're carrying around that that's been thrust upon you by others. That's the chemistry of love...the commitment of love.
I know that is a lot to take in. Nevertheless, there is a lot more, some of which I won’t have time to cover, but I’ll hit the high spots.
APPLICATION:
I WANT YOU TO SEE THERE IS A CHARACTER OF LOVE.
The Bible, again, tells us that David came back. This time when he came back he was the king of Israel. In 2nd Samuel, chapter 3, it tells us about the story. Michal has already married someone else. In addition, 2nd Samuel, chapter 3, says, "because of pride and politics," David says, "I want Michal back to be my wife." He sends his emissaries and they pull her out of her home. Her husband follows her crying and begging and pleading because he loved her but David did not have her best interest at heart. All he cared about was himself. Pride and politics...and the Bible says he brought her back. Then there was a day that David brought the Ark of the Lord into Jerusalem. The Bible says that he danced before the Lord and the Bible says that Michal saw him and despised him, hated him in her heart. She rebuked him and made fun of him and David said some harsh things to her and the Bible says, "And Michal, the daughter of Saul, had no child to the day of her death." They lived together but they had a ruptured marriage. Can you feel the depth of the emotion? As the Holy Spirit says to the writer, "I want you to write that down. That doesn't look good on print. That doesn't look good on paper. That doesn't look good for our hero. ‘But Michal, the daughter of Saul, had no child.’ She had no fulfillment in this life." She did not realize her desires in this life. She did not realize what she needed in this life because she and David had nothing to do with each other ever again. She lived in a palace but she never knew the love of a man. She lived in wealth but she never knew the love of a child. She was emotionally bankrupt.
That's why the Bible says we're to leave and the Bible says we're to cleave. That means we get together. That means we make a point each and every day. There's nothing emotional about that...that's just hard work, everyday, everyday. YOU SAY, "I WILL NOT HURT THIS PERSON." CLEAVE MEANS UNSWERVING LOYALTY. IT'S ACTIVE LOVE, PURSUING LOVE, GUARDIAN LOVE. It means when you're at the office you think of who you love and you don't love who you're not suppose to love because it will hurt the person that you do love. Fellas, I think it's time that some of you got a babysitter and had a date with your wife. I think it's time you sat across the table from your bride and told her all the reasons that you love her because she may have forgotten. Ladies, I think the same thing for you. If he won't do it, then you do it. You get a babysitter and kidnap him and y'all go out somewhere and sit somewhere. It doesn't make any difference where you go. Just go somewhere and sit down and tell him all the reasons that you love him. “For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh.”
There was a couple who were mature, active members of their church. They were both growing in Christ. They could teach Sunday School classes. They could witness. They would have never thought of having an affair. He did little thoughtful things for her and she was the queen of his life and it was quite obvious that something good began to come between them. They had children. Rather than focusing on one another, rather than giving attention to one another, they started all their attention to their children. There were ball games and proms and parties and homework and when you have children you need a bigger house. Therefore, the wife had to go to work and the husband had to go to work. Then he had to get a second job and there were clothes and there were cars to buy. Therefore, they had additional financial pressures. Because they needed a bigger house they built one. They needed better cars so they bought them. They needed to save for college tuition and they were doing that. Eventually they needed cars for teenagers and they got those. They thought they needed name brand, designer clothes for teenagers and they got all these things for their children. You see they had left! They knew the leave part, but they did not cleave to one another. Ideal parents! Then the husband’s job took him away from the house. He was gone a lot. He was gone one week and back and then a week and back a weekend and a week and back a weekend and then two weeks and back a weekend. Then three weeks and back a weekend. Their Pastor saw the wife in the grocery store one day and said, "How's your husband?" She said, "Oh, he's fine." He said, "I've not seen him at church or around town for awhile." She said, "Well, he's working six days a week and you know it's kinda hard to drive all the way in here for just one day and then drive back. His job keeps him up there and..." I said, "Well, is he going to church?" She said, "No, he just sits by the pool. He's so tired on Sunday. He just sits by the pool. He doesn't have enough time to come home. His job's called him away." The Pastor said, "Well, why don't you go see him?" She said, "What?" He said, "Why don't you go see him?" She said, "Well, I've got a job." He said, "Take a day off. Leave the kids with your mother. Why don't you go see him for three or four days?" She said, "Pastor, our oldest son has a ball game and our daughter has a concert coming up and the youngest son is on the swim team. Why, I can't go." He said, "Why not?" She was annoyed by then. She said, "I've got to support my children. Surely, Pastor, you don't suggest that I let my children down." Well, he saw right then that there was no use in him pursuing that idea any further so he said, "Alright." However, you see, what he didn't know and what she didn't know, but God knew, was that her husband was lonely. This young lady had spent a lot of time being a good mom and this young man had spent a lot of time being a good dad but there was this waitress at the Holiday Inn where Mike was staying. She didn't have any children. She had time to sit and listen. She had time to talk. She laughed at his corny jokes and didn't bug him about his weight. She didn't say a word to him about what he ate. In fact, anything he wanted she would bring him. She gave him a feeling that he hadn't had in years. She gave him her undivided attention. She gave him all she had and all he wanted and she was never too tired.
The oldest son is a big boy now and he's not in the major leagues. Guess what? In fact, after his dad left, he didn't play anything. Their daughter couldn't afford to go to college because when you've got a big house and you've got a big house payment, one job, and alimony and child support's not enough to pay that house payment. She doesn't even play the piano anymore. The last time their youngest son went swimming was right after his dad left because his mom doesn't have time for frivolous things like a swim team. Swimming, baseball, and piano concerts were real important then but not anymore. The last time the Pastor saw this dear young lady, she was lonely. She was drifting from church to church. Her husband doesn't even have the job he used to have.
Well, what do you say in a situation like that? For this cause shall a man and a woman...shall leave his or her father and mother and children and cleave to his or her husband and wife and they shall become one flesh? This young lady never did go see her husband. Her husband never came home. They said they didn't have to leave what they loved and they couldn't cleave to what they loved and now they don't have anything of what they loved.
Do you remember the first time you kissed your husband? Do you remember the first time you kissed your wife? Do you remember the last time that you kissed your husband and the last time you kissed your wife?
I want you to know that there's an enemy stalking your household. There's an enemy stalking your marriage and the enemy knows that if your marriage falls apart, it doesn't make any difference how good a mamma and daddy you are, it just is not going to be the same without a healthy marriage.
This is just a warning. The enemy wants to cripple you and the enemy wants to cripple your children. He's going to send whomever he can send into your life to try to break you up, to try to tear you apart, to try to get you not so much to hate each other today but just ignore one another and to not have time for one another, to not care for one another. Nevertheless, God has a plan for your life and it starts right here, right now at a place much like where you said one day “I DO.” Come together and say that again afresh and anew. Take your mate somewhere and tell each other all the things you love about them? It is so important for you and it’s important for your children and for the church and the nation that you have a strong family.
I know this has not been the typical type of Bible Study as usual. Nevertheless, this has truly been a Bible Study but it has also been a Biblical counseling and advisement theses for those who are about to be married, are married, are about to be married, and even those who may be contemplating marriage. Please take these words as wisdom from the Word and from experience from an old soldier who has been on the battle front and has come out a victor in the name of Jesus Christ to His praise and glory. However, remember, happiness will never be truly found in marriage until the home is a Christian home where Jesus Christ is Lord.
DO YOU NEED SOME HELP?
To find more help in receiving Jesus Christ as your personal Savior please go to the Bible Study Title Page “ETERNAL LIFE.” Please send me an email and let me know about any decision for Christ you make so that I may pray for you. Feel free to send me any questions, comments, or responses you may have as well. For those who are already Christians I invite you to also please let me know of any decisions you make in your Christian life for Jesus. Please send me your questions, comments, or responses and let me know if the Bible Studies are helping you.
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ALWAYS REMEMBER!
The support of your local Church ministry and the ministry of your Pastor should be the first priority of your Christian life and your service to the Lord. Be faithful to prayerfully prepare and attend Sunday School and Worship Service this Sunday and participate in worship as your Pastor preaches the Word. Do not forget to give the Lord at least your TITHE through your local church from your gross income – that is your first fruits. Any other other giving is an offering to a ministry unto the Lord. Honor the Lord in all you do and with all that you have. Always remember that everything you have and all you are belongs to the Lord. It is on loan to you – so manage it well! There will be an audit one day! Make sure the Books Balance!
All Bible Studies Are Prepared by Pastor Frank Denning And May Be Be Used By Permission.